Coaching Tool: Zero parasites (II)

As mentioned in the previous post, we use seven steps in our coaching process to achieve the goal of Zero Parasites.

1. Identify the parasites

Make a list of things that sap your energy. A good way to start is to identify about 20 parasites, or maybe more, because, when we start to look for them, we quickly realise that there are a lot, and that we find them in every part of our life. It is important to write them down, but at this stage we do not need to worry about what order they are in. The easiest way to do it is to write them down as you think of them and be creative.

Where are these parasites? You can start looking for them in these places:

• Personal relationships: family, friends, work colleagues, bosses, neighbours, etc.
• Job: office or work-space (clutter, noise, atmosphere, heating etc.).
• Home: a broken lamp, an old piece of furniture that needs throwing away, a door that squeaks because it needs oiling, etc.
• Car: it needs to go to the garage, it needs cleaning, etc.
• Computer: your IT habits
• Finances: problems related to money
• Health: food, exercise, visits to the doctor, etc.

2. Look for positive reasons

Why do we put up with the parasite? What are the positive reasons that make us put up with these energy sappers? These reasons are the benefits that explain why we tolerate the problem, because it has been proven that behind every behaviour, even the most ridiculous, there is a positive reason that makes us continue doing it and continue maintaining the problem, even though it bothers us. It is important, before beginning to act on the parasites, to look for the positive reasons that have led us to keep them.

• Example: I prefer to give some money to the flower lady rather than be hassled by her. I feel guilty for not telling her that I do not want to buy flowers.
• Example: the colleague I share an office with opens the window every morning even if it is raining or is cold and I don’t know how to ask him not to. I do not want to argue with him.

3. Be aware of the cost of the parasite

What are the costs of tolerating the parasite? By not freeing ourselves from the parasite or resolving the issue, what problems are we causing for ourselves? Normally there are two types of costs: direct and indirect.

• Direct costs: discomfort, irritation, nerves, stress. It is an emotional thing. Feeling physically ill.
• Indirect costs: health problems, level of confidence, self-esteem, or a lasting feeling of discomfort or suffering.

4. Make sure that our options are organic

An organic objective means that it is in harmony with our environment (personal, family, work, etc.). It is not about fighting with the entire world. Our objective must be achieved by applying the coaching concept of being always positive. It is important not to reach the state of “Zero Parasites” in a violent way. We have to work and support ourselves within our environment. We must tell those close to us what we are doing, so that they can understand and support us. They need to understand that achieving this objective is what allows us to protect, respect and love ourselves, and, if we achieve it, we can offer them more of us.

5. Decide to change with an understanding of the cause

At this stage, knowing the positive reasons that led us to tolerate the parasite, knowing what its costs represent and  having verified that the change is organic, we can decide to act with an understanding of the cause. Returning to our analogy of the hosepipe, we are going to decide whether or not to fix the leak, depending on what is in our best interests.

6. Organise the list in order of priority

In coaching these are the phases called “exploring options” and “closure”. We have identified the parasites, we have evaluated the importance of acting, and we have listed the various options for sorting out the situation. So we reach the closure phase and we can determine our action plan, which involves facts and dates: how, when, with whom, etc.

7. Implement the Action Plan

It’s time to start moving towards our goal and to start working! Now it is a matter of slowly removing these parasites from our lives. You will soon notice the difference!

Conclusion:

1. A fundamental principle in coaching is that every one of us has to take responsibility for the results we achieve in our life. (The concept of responsibility.)

2. When you start working with this concept, you will realise that you will suffer more than before (conflicts of values). This is normal and it is happening because you have just focused your attention on this topic. In reality, you are not suffering more than before, it is just that your suffering was hidden before. This is good news! Remember that you can not change something that you are not aware of. I encourage you all to try and get down to work, and see what you think, we are waiting to hear your comments about it!

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